“Her kids must have been so pissed!” That’s what a rideshare driver said to me while we were talking about a recent news story about a $13.5 million donation by a wealthy donor to a university.
What makes us feel entitled to an inheritance? When I’ve asked individuals of all ages and wealth levels about expectations around a future inheritance, it is rare to have someone say, “I hope I get nothing. I’m not planning on inheriting anything, nor do I want anything.”
It is more common to hear specific estimates or assumptions of assets and amounts to be received at the death of parents. When I probe deeper and ask how they know about the amount they will inherit, interviewees will share clues they’ve picked up on. They’ve been playing detective, trying to estimate an amount based on limited information and snippets of conversations.
Communication from parents is rarely clear, so beneficiaries must make assumptions that lead to expectations. And expectations can lead to a feeling of entitlement.
Ironically, the few inheritors I know who have given the rare answer that they don’t feel entitled to an inheritance—or they simply don’t want or need it—are best equipped to receive one.
When we start counting an anticipated inheritance among our assets, we set ourselves up for disappointment and conflict.
Principle #7: Encourage Giving.
Charity is a tremendous tool. It is hard to be charitable and gracious while also feeling greedy or entitled.
Centering the family culture around acts of charity and supporting those who have needs we can help meet can create a strong bond among generations. Charity can also help family members who struggle with entitlement—helping them refocus on the needs of others rather than on themselves.
Read more about giving ideas and the benefits to giving in The Greatest Gift: 9 Principles for the Transfer of Your Legacy Along with Your Wealth.
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