No matter the dollar amount, one of the best ways to equip family members for the shock of inheritance is to provide them with a common purpose. Think of a common purpose as a series of long-term shared goals that bind individuals together through teamwork, engagement, and reinforcement.

However you do it, capturing your story will help your descendants know their story, their roots. You have a story, so tell it. And tell it often. Also, share what you’re most proud of.

We all have a need to belong and to know that we are enough. It’s part of being human. For parents and grandparents, it’s a challenge to instill this confidence in our children—that they, too, belong and are enough, that they are unique, and that we treasure them because of and despite their strengths, weaknesses, successes, and failures.

Sharing information is a tremendous gift you can give during your lifetime. But if you’re unable or unwilling to communicate what is important, your family can prepare for a bumpy ride when it comes to the transition of wealth someday.

When we realize we are part of something much larger, it changes the way we view money, challenges, and people. It changes the way we view ourselves and all of life!

Big dividends come from families that spend as much time on the softer, personal character-building priorities and non-financial inheritance topics as they spend on tax planning, legal structuring, and investment management decisions.

Centering the family culture around acts of charity and supporting those who have needs we can help meet can create a strong bond among generations. Charity can also help family members who struggle with entitlement—helping them refocus on the needs of others rather than on themselves.

If equality or fairness is measured in dollars, they are inherently flawed. There is not a single situation where lifetime gifts and inheritance are done with cash. Inheritance is messy. Assets are hard to value, and each family member places different values on different assets. Plus, each person has different needs and perspectives.

Regardless of the presence of some difficult personalities and complex family dynamics, it’s always better to address fears while both parents are still living. Knowing and naming a conflict while everyone is living prepares families to diffuse conflicts after the death of a parent.